This Friday, my wife and I celebrate five years of marriage. From all that we’ve been through and where we’ve been, sometimes it feels much longer. Needless to say, I am nothing but grateful that us being together was in the Master’s plan for our lives.
Here is the story of how we met:
My wife will often tell her version, but I have the opportunity to tell you the truth. 😂
In 2014, my father and I stumbled upon a YouTube video of a man named Rev. Kenneth Meshoe on a panel discussing the issue of labeling Israel an Apartheid State. Speaking as a man who knew apartheid intimately, Rev. Meshoe spoke about how he traveled to Israel himself upon hearing the claims. He said he had traveled there himself because in his mind, if these claims are true, Black South Africans should be the loudest voices speaking against it. He went on to describe what he says was absolutely nothing like apartheid in South Africa was. He described seeing Jewish doctors treating Arab patients, Arab doctors treating Jewish patients, Arab judges sentencing Jewish people to prison, Arabs in the Knesset (Israeli government), etc. In the work we do, this panel discussion really grabbed us; so much so that my father reached out to Rev. Meshoe and opened up a dialogue.
While this was happening, Rev. Meshoe’s daughter was also in the mix as she was Chief Operating Officer of an organization that she and her father started together. A short time later, I came across my father posting a picture of the two of them to highlight the work they do together. When I saw the picture, I asked “who is she? She’s cute.” To which my dad responded, “she’s out of your league is who she is.”
That was when I was first aware of this woman. We became Facebook friends shortly after, and began to message each other; only I was messaging to see if we would be a good match, and she was messaging just to… well… be polite. She was so busy that our conversations would last for two to three weeks, but with only two to three messages between us. This was because I would message her, and she would only respond to me two to three weeks later. I remember that it seemed like whenever she responded, she was always in another country; Ethiopia, Japan, the US, etc.
This went on for some months. Sometimes I would catch her for a good 10 minutes, and others, the lapse between my message and her response was so great, I would forget we were even talking. One time, we FaceTimed for quite literally two and a half minutes. I’m not sure who asked who, but I just remember struggling to find normal words to say in our short conversation, then thinking to myself “damn, she really is out of my league,” when we hung up.
In early 2015, I got a message from her. She asked me how far away Oakland, California was from where we lived. I told her it wasn’t that far at all. She told me she was on a speaking tour, and asked if I would be interested in getting breakfast with her at the IHOP there. Of course, I said I was absolutely interested. She told me the day and time she was in Oakland, and I agreed to meet with her then. After we messaged, I came to my parents and pretty smugly said, “So uh… guess who’s getting breakfast with Olga on Tuesday?” My parents both looked at me, and my mother said “Yeah, we’re getting breakfast with her too.” … I paused and looked at them both with the burning question I had to get out. I asked “which day are you all getting breakfast with her?” Much to my dismay, it was the same day, same time, and same location as what Olga and I had agreed to. I felt tricked. Hoodwinked. Bamboozled. Also a little bit embarrassed at how confidently I had walked into the room in the first place. It turns out, Olga wanted to meet the Washington family, which made perfect sense considering our two families had been admiring each other at this point for about a year.
The day came for the much anticipated breakfast. When my parents and I arrived, we walked into the restaurant first. I remember sitting and waiting with them, and then looking left to see her walk into the restaurant. Within an instant I immediately became hyper-self aware and regretful that I did not do anything with my hair and facial hair before this breakfast. I remember her looking so well put together, and me feeling like such a mess. We took a picture to commemorate the day.
Now, at this juncture, I want to make something crystal clear. At this point in the story, this woman has no idea I’m even crushing on her. As far as she’s concerned, the Washingtons are a good family to know, and she’s in California where we lived. If our positions were swapped, I would have done the same thing with her family, whether I was crushing on her or not. So yes, I am very much intrigued by this woman, and I am nowhere on her radar for many reasons.
Right after this meeting, once my parents and I got back to Stockton, I wrote a song that day (or the day after, I can’t remember) called ‘Hot Damn.’ Out of all the songs I’ve written and recorded, this one marked a stark difference in sound and style; it broke away from all of my previous work so much that it made me wonder if there was something especially special about this woman. I wasn’t sure, but I remember thinking to myself “well at least I got a good song out of it!”
In late 2015, Olga and I both were a part of this training endeavor that my father spearheaded while he was working for Christians United for Israel. She technically did not qualify because the endeavor was only for American students, and she is South African, but she found a way to get into it anyway. Again, the Washington-Meshoe connection was something all parties saw as worthy of cultivating. She wanted to be a part of this activism training program because she saw my dad as a mentor, and we all in some capacity worked with CUFI. After a couple of weeks of virtual sessions, I felt it was time for me to make my move. I sent a carefully crafted email to her, basically telling her that I like our friendship, but I am interested in being more than friends, and would like to speak with her more about it over FaceTime. In the past, I’ve either called or talked in person to whatever girl I was interested in at the time, but for some reason, I felt an email would be best to kick things off between us. I don’t know. I just did it.
After sending this email, she then responds and agrees to FaceTime. I think the next day we FaceTime, and she very politely, and diplomatically turns me down. I remember her first asking if I knew how old she is, to which I responded in the affirmative (I am nine years younger than her, so this entire situation was already laughable for her from the start). After that, she begins explaining that she does not date. She has her own story that she will share widely in her own time, but suffice to say, she told me that her deal with G-d was that the next man she is with would be her husband. There would be no dating. Just friendship, and then marriage. Then she ended her rejection spiel by saying “I’m sorry. You’re very nice, and good looking and all, but I don’t see it happening between us.”
If you had asked me five minutes after that exchange what happened, I would have given you the same general account I just wrote now, and that is because most of everything else went out the window once I heard her say “…you’re good looking.”
That little kernel was all I needed to press on; at least for a little while longer. This conversation was in May of 2015, and I knew we would see each other in person again for the second time in Washington DC in July for the CUFI Summit. Not only did I see her, she was one of the speakers for the CUFI on Campus college student leaders. That was my first time seeing her in her element. Her speech was both powerful and passionate, and as she addressed the room of probably around 500 college students, she had their attention the entire time. I was just awestruck. Afterward, I found her and told her what an amazing speech she gave, and we took a picture together.
At this point, we obviously had that discussion where she rejected me. I could tell that in her mind, that was over and she had moved on. I hadn’t just yet.
That next day at the Summit, I wanted to make another gesture to her. During one of our breaks, I took my sister with me and headed to a store that sold jewelry. I found a pair of earrings that my sister thought would really suit her, and then we found one more just to be safe and I got them both. I had them gift wrapped, and found her later that day to give them to her. I explained to her that when she first met me and my parents at IHOP, she got us all gifts, and I felt bad that I didn’t have one for her. To this day, I don’t know what her internal reaction was (I guess I could just ask now); all I could remember was a strong sense that the gifts fell flat. I found out a little later that she liked the earrings, but the gift itself was something she was not feeling at the moment. It was discouraging to me, to say the least.
After that event, we all went home, and I was beginning to think this was all a lost cause. The rest of July, I spent in Los Angeles doing music with some good friends of mine. I had begun to let go of the idea of me and this seemingly unattainable woman. Not to mention I began talking to another woman that was actually introduced to me by my crush (I suspected she tried to pair us up, and she confirmed my suspicion later). Nothing happened beyond friendship between me and the other woman, but something almost did. I had decided during my time in LA that I was going to take my friendship with the other woman further. I hadn’t told anyone about her, and I hadn’t discussed my internal decision with anyone. When I got back to Stockton, I decided I was going to forget about my South African crush once-and-for-all and pursue things further with the other woman. I was sitting in a room alone, and I had decided to do this.
Literally just minutes, maybe seconds before I could make the move, my father wanted to talk to me. He called me into the living room, sat me down, and asked me some questions. Among the questions he asked was “how are things with you and Olga?” I told him it was non-existent. I explained that she didn’t seem to respond to any of my advances; that I tried reaching out a few more times in LA, but no such luck. I said it seemed as though she was not at all interested in me.
My father listened to my whole diatribe, and then told me, “I did tell you she’s out of your league, son.” Something I had forgotten about until that moment. Then he told me that just because she’s out of my league, doesn’t mean she is unattainable. He told me that sometimes you just have to say ‘damn the torpedoes’ and put yourself all the way out there. He told me whether it’s this woman or someone else, at some point, I have to make a decision and commit till the end.
I listened and then went back to sitting alone. Frustrated, the next thing I did was cry. Didn’t really know why I was crying, but I did. After that, I wasn’t really sure what to do at that point, so I decided not to make any moves. I took the week to pray and read my Bible. I remember praying in the mornings, going to teach at our music school, then praying in between students and after work. In my reading, I found verses that still resonate with me as we approach five years of marriage. At the end of that week, I texted Olga and asked if she could FaceTime with me that Monday morning (evening for her in South Africa) and she agreed. I didn’t know what I was going to say, but I knew we needed to talk. That Monday morning, I woke up still not knowing what to say, but still knowing we needed to talk. About 15 minutes before our FaceTime call, it hit me. She had already given me the blueprint when she first rejected me a few months back. That is when I knew exactly what to say to her, but it was also when I knew something else.
We hopped on the FaceTime call, said our hellos, and I got straight into it. I told her:
“A few months ago, you said that you told G-d that you want the next man you are with to be your husband… So I’m telling you now that my intention would be to marry you.”
For the first time since we met, I found her, like I was often, struggling to find words. She told me she needed some time, and to cut it a little bit short, she FaceTimed with me again to tell me that she is open to a courtship. This was in September of 2016. We got engaged in June, 2017…
And then married December 23rd, 2017.
I don’t want to tell all of it, because I want her to tell her version at some point (and she should be starting a Substack soon). But I do want to share one more thing that I am very grateful for in my wife. When we were courting, one thing she told me was that she had made a list years ago of the qualities she wanted in a husband. She told me that I checked everything off the list except one; the financial one. Though I am secure, her list asked for a considerably financially wealthy man. I asked her what made her overlook that when considering me, and she told me that it was easy. She told me that she sees the same ambition, drive, and work ethic in me that she has seen in other successful people she knows. She told me she believes in me, and that she knows that part of her list will check itself off in the right season. And now, five years later, she continues to help, partner with, and encourage me to pursue my calling while never losing sight of hers. That’s just the kind of woman she is.
So as it turns out, she was out of my league. She still is. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
You’re welcome to read her version of how we met now, but remember, you heard the truth first. 🤗
Congratulations on your anniversary!
Thank you!!