Well, This Sucks

I think I’ve been to South Africa 9 times from my first visit in 2017. My primary reason for going was to talk to the father of this woman I had fallen in love with.

Needless to say, though it didn’t go poorly, the first conversation did not quite go the way I wanted.

It was, however, a stepping stone to amazing things unfolding on that trip and the months to come.

My first trip to South Africa felt like a dream. I sort of felt like I was in suspended animation, wondering how my life got to be this amazing. Now I’m back in South Africa for the 9th time, and that dream state has come back full circle.

This still doesn’t feel real.

The parallel is that for both my first and most recent trip, there is a feeling that I’m floating through life wondering how this is happening. It’s just that the first time, I was wide-eyed and excited about starting a family with Olga. Now I’m here with our two sons, constantly teary-eyed and trying to figure out next steps for the three of us now that she is gone.

Another less serious parallel is that my first time in South Africa, I came straight from Israel with nearly 10 kilograms of kosher gummy candy. This time ks the only other time I came to South Africa straight from Israel, and bearing almost the same weight of the same candy.

In the midst of the heartache, writing has helped. Having my family and community has helped. Your kind words have helped.

South Africa seems much quieter and a little more discolored this time around.